But your daughter is fine, right?!

I so wish that the answer to that question was yes. But the reality is she is facing her own trauma demons. “A” was four days old when we brought her home from the hospital. So, yes, she avoided the trauma of living in a dysfunctional abusive home that was riddled with drug use. In that sense, she is the winner. But the reality is that losing your birth mother is still a traumatic event. And being exposed to drugs in utero has a lasting effect even if you never experienced the trauma of being raised by parents who struggle with drug addiction.

We continue to learn about these lasting impacts on A’s development. She does struggle with personal space and has sensory issues – she seeks sensory input (extra strong hugs, kisses, constant need for touch, and seeking rough play). There were several reflection sheet that came home during this kindergarten year citing kissing, puddle jumping, and other sensory struggles. We did take her to OT (occupational therapy) for the better part of kindergarten to help with these issues. They eventually called her a “success” and released her from services, but we recognize that, as her parents, we need to continue to work on these issues in social situations.

There are also times where she struggles to follow directions – we could argue that this is typical of a 5 year old – but we need to remain vigilant that there might be more at play here. We can never let our guard down…our children’s development and well-being depend on us constantly questioning and being on-top of issues that might emerge. It is exhausting…

In addition, our daughter has to come to terms with what it means to be in the same space as her (biological half-) brother. She is often traumatized by his behavior and struggles to figure out where she fits into the complex dynamics of our family. Tonight, J had a massive meltdown over not winning a hand of poker (FYI…gambling is the least of our worries! We are teaching our children the concept of odds and how to make smart decisions based on the information you have…pretty important life lesson). While Rob was dealing with J and his emotional meltdown, I sat with A. She grabbed a piece of paper and began writing. She penned the note above, which she wanted to send to God: I love you. Find Jayden peace. She has a loving and forgiving heart. I always want her to see this as a positive and not something that makes her more vulnerable.

Parenting is hard. Parenting children exposed to drugs/alcohol/trauma/etc. is even harder. But we keep going…pushing forward…loving unconditionally…offering unrelenting grace…and praying, that at the end of the day, our love and understanding is greater than the pain and sadness that accompany trauma.