“God gave us this one chance…”

Sometimes my kids say things that are so profound. Let’s be honest, most of the time they say shit that doesn’t make sense, that is antagonizing, that is hurtful and unnecessary, and that make me want to guzzle a bottle of wine. But every once in a while, they manage to have more insight than Gandhi, the Dali Lama, and Mother Teresa combined.

I am currently homeschooling my son, and we are now learning about weather. This has been a HUGE thrill for him since he loves anything science! I picked out a non-fiction book on weather, and we have been exploring the features of this non-fiction text, reading the chapters and headings that speak to us first. Today he chose a section on climate change. He was mesmerized as we read about the greenhouse effect, fossil fuels, the ozone layer, and steps we can take to stop this change. At one point, he became really quiet, so I asked, “What are you thinking?” His response: “It’s like God gave us this one chance…this one earth. He is going to throw lots of challenges at us. But he expects us to figure it out.” Because this sounded a little fatalistic, I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “With his help. And he will love us and forgive us for our mistakes along the way, no matter what.”

At that point, I became quiet. Because his comment transcended a discussion on climate change. It was a commentary on life. God gave me this chance to be a parent. He is throwing lots of challenges at me….and I mean A LOT…I have to figure it out, but I can do that with his love and grace.

While many of these challenges are rooted in my children’s behavior, some of them are the responsibilities I have outside of parenting. Just this week, in collaboration with my colleagues, we completed a book manuscript and sent it off to our publisher. I have a grant application due in 3 days for funding for the local semi-professional orchestra (I am a member of the orchestra [flute] and a member of the Board of Directors). I also have a pile of papers to grade for the 4 graduate courses I am teaching this semester. And I have to plan for our upcoming homeschooling lessons…all while doing laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking meals, making lunches, carting children to ballet, horseback riding lessons, violin lessons, and therapies, training dogs to stay in the yard, teaching Sunday School, and keeping our home from being swallowed by clutter and filth. Some might say that I could say no to some of these larger tasks, but my passions matter too.

So, what am I doing with this one chance? Am I making the most of it? Am I giving it enough of my attention and energy? Some days I feel as if it is sucking all of the energy from my being, and others I feel as if I am not ever going to do enough. Maybe that’s just parenthood in general. But there is an extra layer of “stuff” when you have children with special needs. I do not have the luxury of sending them off for “play dates” (we are not often invited for these) or leaving them with a sitter to get things done (it takes a very patient person who is knowledgeable about trauma and FASD to be able to handle the behaviors and challenges) or even sending them off to play together or on their own as this only buys me a limited amount of time before a crisis arises. And I don’t mean typical sibling arguments or childhood curiosities…I mean my 8-year old son managing to break into the tool box and wielding tools that could damage property even after he has been told numerous times that the tool box is off-limits, my 5-year old daughter using kid scissors to cut off all of her hair (and I mean ALL) even after she has suffered the consequences of cutting her hair in the past, my son breaking glass windows in our outbuildings dating back to the 1800’s or putting paper towels in the flame of the candle that is meant to bring me peace and then putting the flaming paper towel on our brand new marble countertops even after we have had extensive discussions on respecting our property, and both of them getting into physical altercations over disagreements even after years of coaching them to use their words.

This is my chance…and these are my challenges. I just hope I have the strength to meet these challenges and to make the most of this opportunity to raise these children with unconditional love and understanding so that they can grow to be their best selves and to make this world a better place for others.